It all started…
In west Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school, when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, she said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air".
Wait, no. That’s Will Smith. Ok so it actually all started when I came on a holiday to Australia with Paris Hilton, and the paps caught me in Bondi. Overnight I became an instant celebrity, and not long later I had my own reality TV show with my crazy, large family and I’ve been living my best life ever since. Now i’m married to Kanye West and have three beautiful children. Hang on…that’s Kim Kardashian.
Ok…it REALLY all started when Justin Bieber followed me on Twitter. No shit, this is actually my story this time. Except it didn’t really start there, so let me come back to that part. I’m going to try to the story of how I got here, and the long ass road to uncovering my mission in life as short as possible for you. I am sure you don’t have all day and I am a completely open book, so the chances of you being here all day if I don’t add that in now, is high. I should preface this story by saying that when I was 7 years old, after watching an episode of 90120, that I was going to run away to LA. That show seriously sparked in me two things; an utter desire to live in LA, and drive down the palm lined streets and the beginnings of a very real pattern of escapism.
At the start of the year 2000, while most people were celebrating the fact that we didn’t have a worldwide technological meltdown - my family was in the hospital, praying my Dad would make it after he had a massive stroke in our home. That night changed the course of all of our lives forever. Due to the impact it created, not only did my parents lose their business, we lost our home, almost everything we owned and to some extent lost the man we knew. I did the only logical thing for a teenager to do – to go completely off the deep end and avoid reality entirely [yes, hello, escapism again]. I carried this on for a good decade, partying, travelling, moved to London in 2008 boldly declaring I was never returning – cut to me returning a year later before coming home to ‘sort my life out and settle down’ (lol) – which is essentially the adult version of switching from Dolly Mag to Cosmo. The trouble with this #adultlife plan was that I had no f*cking idea what I wanted to do.
While I had some GREAT times and have more stories than the average person [most that are unbelievable, even to myself], reflecting back - that decade was some of the most painful times imaginable. I was always presenting a ‘happy face’ to the outside, but on the inside I was so lost, sad and stuck. For years I had no idea what my passions were and truly believed I didn’t have a purpose, no skills or gifts, had little to no self belief or worth, and my entire life was running around the four words I had taken on as my truth: “I’m not good enough”. I’ve lost track of the amount of times that I have cried in a restaurant or car park to a friend professing I had no idea what to do with my life and had no clarity or direction, and that I wasn’t good at ANYTHING. I tried on A LOT of different hats in the quest to find my purpose – including jewelry designer, fashion blogger, event manager, content creator and online writer/editor. While there were certainly elements of these that I enjoyed, I still knew none of it was for me. I knew what I liked, but I just didn’t couldn’t put the pieces of the puzzle together or find the umbrella to house them all – but most importantly even if I did, I didn’t have the confidence or self belief to pull it off.
I was deeply unhappy for a really long time, and often had serious bouts of anxiety and a few periods of depression. I had big ambitions…I knew I was called to do SOMETHING – but I just couldn’t figure it out. I felt broken - why couldn’t I just get my shit together and figure out my life? It seemed like everyone around me knew what they were meant to do in life and it seemed like every time I took one step forward in life, SOMETHING would come up and knock me down. There were a lot of ‘why me’ conversations and sobbing in the car in this period. So I coasted along, treading water, waiting for something or someone to swoop in and fix it for me or give me the solution I had been waiting for (I wish someone had of told me then it was only ME who could do that *insert crying face emoji*…ok so maybe SOMEONE did and I just ignored them).
In 2014, my Dad passed away after struggling and fighting on after his stroke for 14 years – about 12 years longer than they had given him to live. He was the first person I had known closely to pass away and the experience jolted me out of my water treading decade and in to ‘holy sh*t, what am I actually doing with my life?’ mode. My Dad had followed the template that most of society follow – work hard, pay bills, retire, THEN live your life. Unfortunately he never got the chance to retire and live his dreams and worked right up until his passing. I was given two pieces of advice that stayed with me; that living your life through the lessons they leave behind was a beautiful way to honour their memory, and that there is an empowerment that comes through grief. I took this on and realised that there was no dress rehearsal for my life, and the best time to start living it was now. It was time to step outside my comfort zone, find out what I was made of and say yes to life.
So I bet you know what happened now right? That’s right, absolutely NOTHING. Because the stranglehold my story of not being enough had on me, the absolutely lack of belief I had in myself prevented me from taking the action DESPITE what I now knew to be true about life. Another two years went by and I became depressed. And this is where Justin Bieber comes in [I said I would come back to that]. Yes, he followed me on twitter. After breaking the sound system at my friends house, Justin Bieber’s song Lollipop was stuck on repeat and through some freak coincidence when I tweeted about it he must have hit the following button by accident. Regardless, what transpired from that was making connections with a number of his fans online and began offering support, guidance and mentorship. The first hint of the path that was about to light up my world. (See? Those ‘coincidences’ lead the way!).
Despite catching a glimmer of what I wanted to do, my life was still on hold, as it had been for years. Now remember how little me had always dreamed of moving to LA? I was STILL holding on to that dream. While moving through grief and battling major self doubt/self worth issues, I decided that the only place I was going to be happy was America. Yep, THE ONLY PLACE. That somehow, magically, this was going to give me all the answers I need – that everything I ever needed was waiting there. So I finally got the ladyballs I needed and booked my America trip for April 2016 – I was PUMPED. FINALLY, I was going on the trip of my lifetime. After talking about it for years I was finally going to do it. It was an Elle Woods ‘ME!’ moment. Then, a few weeks before I was due to go, my doctor discovered a benign tumor up near my voicebox which needed to come out sooner than later. The trip was going to have to be cancelled. Although I was devastated, I chose to believe that there was a divine timing of it all and to trust the process.
To say that I took this news lightly would be a complete fucking lie. I nearly gave up, thought it was a ‘sign’ and that I shouldn’t go. Sometimes in life people give you the harsh truths you don’t want to hear, but need to hear. I was fortunate enough to have a friend tell me that if I didn’t go, she was afraid I would never live. That I would just be ‘waiting’ my whole life and never really enjoy my life. So I rebooked, and went to LA in November 2016. To say that trip was the most pivotal point of my life so far, would be a giant understatement. 7 year old me knew some real shit, and I’m glad she never gave up. Because everything I wanted WAS waiting in LA…just not in the way I expected.
Through the friends I already had there and the connections I made in that trip, I experienced the absolute highs and lows LA had to offer – all the way from VIP Hollywood experiences, participating in the Women’s March with 750,000 other incredible humans, to going to Skid Row and having in depth conversations with the houseless on an almost daily basis. My entire perspective on life had begun to shift. Seeing all my friends living in their purpose, living their truth, with a rock solid belief in what they were her to do, I knew I didn’t have that. Not just the clarity, but the belief in myself. Even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, it was the first time I realised that the lack of belief I had in myself was always going to block me from reaching it. It finally clicked what had been blocking me the whole time - me. On top of that, the conversations I was having with the people who lived on the street changed my life. I learned so much about life, the world an myself through these interactions. I started to get a niggle that what I wanted to do, was make a contribution through service in the world.
I didn’t know what that looked like, but what I finally committed to was going home and investing in doing the work on MYSELF, so when the idea, when the mission presented itself to me I was READY. I would believe in myself enough to make it happen. So that’s what I did. Came home, and started navigating in a process of #unfucking myself - unknowing every lie I had believed to be true. Rewiring my belief about myself. If you’ve ever seen that episode of Seinfield where George decides that if everything he has done up until that point had given him the results he had, he would do the opposite. That’s literally what I started doing. Whatever I would have previously done, I did the opposite. Didn’t have the money to invest? I found a way. Wasn’t the right time? I called bullshit - if not now, WHEN?
The first big investment I made in my growth was the the Bridge Experience with Preston & Alexi . I thought I was going to go there and have a ‘ra ra’ motivational weekend so I sat at the back, hiding, notebook ready to be inspired. What happened was something completely different and I experienced ‘heart surgery’ instead - releasing a HUGE amount of energy around my main story of ‘not being enough.’ Something MAJORRRRR shifted for me that weekend - I truly felt like a new person. I thought to myself, “shit…who knew this much change could happen in just two days?”. It felt like a MIRACLE, and in that moment I knew one SUPER important thing; I wanted to give this feeling to as many people as humanly possible. In two days, I found myself and my mission, and I have never looked back since.
I kept investing in my own growth and healing, as well as my skills to become the best coach on the planet. I have invested thousands of dollars and countless hours on my own growth in order to be able to serve you at the highest capacity. I know I am a brilliant coach not because I have a Diploma of Life Coaching, or am a qualified NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Practitioner, Matrix Therapist or because I am a Breathwork Faciliator. All of these are great…AND, what makes a brilliant coach is because I have walked the walk, done the inner work and have an enormous amount of empathy and compassion for what it takes to get from A to B. I know where you are, because I have been there…and I want to walk shoulder to shoulder with you on your journey.
I finally understand the meaning of “give from the overflow.” I feel like Oprah right now, “You get some love! You get some love!” What my inner GPS has guided me to is this: I am committed to empowering women, like you, to own their greatness. To reveal the self belief and confidence that will be the springboard for the life of your dreams. Because no matter what it is you’re seeking - IT STARTS WITH YOU. Ironically, after years of trying on a million different career hats, on a rollercoaster ride of confusion around my place in the world, my journey is now one that comes from a place of helping others find the lasting happiness that is found by simply remembering who we already are. One of my favourite quotes that provided a lot of reassurance in my quest is this:
It’s my mission to help you connect the dots using the tools, tricks and resources I have learned that I used to connect my own. I went from anxious and depressed with no self belief, worried I would never be happy, find my path and die alone - to having an amazing relationship with myself, a life and mission that I wake up EXCITED to live and the cherry on top, the man of my dreams. I called all of that in by doing the work, and starting with ME. That’s what I want to support you to have. A rock solid foundation of belief, self worth and courage to keep taking action - even when you don’t know what the next step is. Together, we will figure it out. I got you, girl. Most importantly, you are now and will always be ENOUGH. xo
PS - That was not a long story short. Sorry about it, but like I said - open book!