WHAT IF YOU STOPPED TELLING YOURSELF YOU CANT AND PROVE TO YOURSELF YOU CAN?
Yesterday was the third Breakfast Club and the topic was 'Discover Your Value'. I chose the topic because when I asked on IG a few weeks ago 'what's the biggest impact on your confidence?' the answer was all around self worth. Although I had seen the amount of answers that came back with that, I really didn't expect the topic to hit such a cord at the breakfast, but it got real deep real quick.
So deep in fact I just sat in the car for like 40 minutes after marinating in all the things that came up in conversation. It was raw, honest and transparent. One of the messages I received afterward said 'it got me thinking that the topic of value isn't spoken about as much as we probably need to. I know it's certainly something I've never had a conversation about how I felt about my own value and actually saying it out loud really gave me an awareness of how important it is. I feel if people talked about it like it wasn't a shameful conversation in every day life, i'm sure we would feel more confident within ourselves opening up!"
HUGE. Some of the things that came up in the space was around our value being attached to how much money is in the bank, our value being dictated by someone else (eg someone has said something in the past that stuck with you and dimmed your shine) and all the ways we chip away at our own value by being our biggest critic.
I did a Facebook live after I jumped in the car yesterday in the midst of my reflection, about what would be possible if we stopped telling ourselves we can't, and started proving to ourself we can (watch here)
What happens when we don't own our value?
We people please, putting others first. We can become fearful and hesitant, and miss out on opportunities. We end up settling for ordinary, rather than the extraordinary things life has to offer. We hold ourselves safe and stuck. We allow others to tell us how much our value is.
One of the women said yesterday that if a woman feels 60% qualified for a job, she wont put herself forward for it. This was just heartbreaking to me to know so many beautiful, talented, kind, compassionate women don't see how amazing they are and how quick we are to deflect and wave aside opportunities based on that (myself included at times!). I talk a lot about confidence, but confidence is just the result of having a strong sense of value and self worth - this is the underlying root cause of why we are short on confidence.
How do we downplay our value?
Deflecting compliments - this was a huge one yesterday. "Oh you look amazing today! Love that dress." "Oh no it's old, and its from Kmart...it's nothing special. But YOU look great today!". Not speaking your mind or sharing your opinion. Saying yes when it was a no or not speaking up when a decision is made. "Ohh, whatever you want. I'm easy. You decide". (How many of us have done that for a dinner date and ended up at a Thai restaurant when we REALLY had our heart set on Mexican? Ok probably just me. I'm very passionate about food haha). Not putting yourself forward for opportunities because you're convinced you're under qualified or someone else will get it who's more [insert pretty/smart/talented] than you.
What is possible when we OWN our value?
We attract amazing and supportive people in our life who encourage us forward. We speak up. We let go of the outcome and know it doesn't matter if we get a no, we are growing in the process. We go after what we want with no/less fear and hesitation. We let our yes's mean yes, and our no's mean no. We don't compete with others, we judge less (or not at all!) and we stop comparing ourselves not only to others, but to the mythical version of ourselves in the future that has it all.
How do we own our value?
Speak with positivity - solidify your affirmations and say them daily
Focus on your strengths
Speak up - ask for what you want
Do things how you want to - not how it works for others
Say no without explanation
Know you can't please everyone - focus on making yourself happy
Be in integrity to yourself, your values and your word
Celebrate others and allow space for things that light you up
Create a compliment jar (for when you acknowledge yourself & have a win!) - and remind yourself of your awesomeness often.
Own your wins IN THE MOMENT. Really celebrate yourself in real time.
Seriously - you are AMAZING. The world needs more women to rise up and own their worth, so we can make sure there are more women on stages, more women in politics, more women in positions of leadership, more women chasing their dreams, more women confident in their choices in life - no matter where it takes them. We can only do this by linking arms together and encouraging each other to thrive.
Yesterday was a reminder at just how powerful we are when we drop the judgment and comparison. I went to an all girls school, and the cattiness at times was unreal (even beyond school). I developed the belief that relationships with women are not always safe and at times have held myself back from experiencing deep bonds of sisterhood. That's why I am so grateful to not only create these spaces, but be in the space too - to witness the walls melt and the love pour out. I am always blown away by the connections formed in such a short time when we are just open, honest and transparent.
Which got me thinking...I know not everyone is local or has been able to make it to an event so I wanted to bring the room online to reach as many women as possible. SO...I am hosting a FREE online workshop next Monday 16th at 7pm AEST and would love to see you there. Whether you've made it to an event or not, I am so excited to connect in our own virtual space.
In this FREE online workshop you will learn...
The 8 key steps to building Core Confidence so you have everything you want in life.
The biggest misconception around confidence.
The number one mistake you can make when developing core confidence.
The key to getting out of overwhelm about where you 'should be'.
How to set a clear vision for YOU, so you can stop comparing and asking everyone around you for their opinion.
A simple process to start to master your inner mean girl, so you can end the cycle of sabotaging your best efforts
AND...for those of you that join me LIVE - you will receive a bonus free gift to get clear on what your next steps are and take action so you can stop 'waiting to be ready'.
I want to show you what’s possible when you truly start believing in yourself. I want to support you to OWN how incredible you are and end the cycle of shortchanging yourself from all the magic life has to offer. This free online workshop contains all the things I wish I knew when I started my own journey.
Hope to see you there.Reserve your seat. Comment and let me know if you're coming!