Hello? Is this thing on? Dipping my toe back in the social media pool after three weeks totally off the grid. To be completely honest, instead of what I expected to be feeling (a sense of relief I can finally know what this Drake challenge is I’ve heard about, check my DMs and be “connected” again), a large part of me is in resistance.

When I consciously chose to hit the “pause” button on social media three weeks ago, I was probably in the lowest headspace I had been in in well over a year since beginning my personal development journey. I fully recognise how I had slipped in to the most ineffective old wounds, programming and was rapidly losing sight of everything that made me feel good – and the positive mindset I had worked so hard to gain. I was in a super shitty place, full of insecurities, self-doubt and in HUGE comparisons. The whole thing had a very back to square one/what the fuck am I doing here/how did I get here vibes.

The message coming through loud and clear was “CLEAR THE CHANNEL”. So I chose for the first time to really let go of what “made sense” (the stories of what would happen if I got off social media – how I would be forgotten and my business would suffer/algorithms blah blah BS) and trust the whisperings of my soul. To strip back everything – all the noise, the distractions – to see what was left at the centre. The result of those choices meant that the last few weeks has been very confronting for me – not going to lie.

  • I gave up coffee (This was huge for me and yes I may have cried in the supermarket on day 3 passing the coffee beans. I wish I was joking.)

  • I deleted all my social media apps and did not check a thing for nearly 3 weeks (my hand went to reach for my phone more times than I can count the first few days)

  • Completed a 3 day liquid cleanse (I love food and eat constantly so this was even more challenging than giving up coffee)

  • Absolutely cleared the schedule to create space to tap in to what was here for me – and said NO to good opportunities to make way for the unknown next step. Need for certainty/FOMO was TRIGGERED.

What happened by doing this? It fully allowed me to SEE and acknowledge what was not working for me and see what was out of alignment. Without any means to distract myself, any usual vices of comfort and escapism, I had no choice but to inward. To face off with my shit and the “cycles” that kept coming up again and again. No coffee to “get me going” and make the day job more bearable. No jumping from app to app to stay “busy” and “productive” because #onlinebiz right?! The world would surely end if I wasn’t endlessly “connecting”. #surethingjan No tasty treats to suppress. No opportunities to allow me to sabotage by my usual tricks of overloading my plate to the point of burnout to convince myself I was moving forward and “successful”. Just stillness. Just BEING. Seriously without social media, I would go HOURS without my phone and thought I had lost it about a million times because I couldn’t remember the last time I had used it or for what. Vegan recipes was about it haha

When I first deleted all the apps off my phone and announced the break, I felt an immediate wash of guilt and shame of not being able to handle the pressure like everyone else seemingly can…and I felt like I was letting everyone down somehow. But as each day passed a new sense of relief washed over me and it was very easy to uncover how I had fucked myself over back to “square one”; through the small, unconscious choices every day to let go of my rituals, routines and habits that led me to a shittier mindset. This is the price of not doing the work, of not choosing yourself and of not being aware when the ego sneaks up and throws in some sabotage. #OhHeyMerv! It’s called the work/a practice for a reason – it takes constant, conscious effort.

AND…I choose to celebrate that BECAUSE of the work I have done, I was able to catch this and course correct faster than I would have done before. I had the tools and resources to know how to get back to that space, an even better one in fact. Without these distractions:

  • I ended up THREE WEEKS ahead in my work for my day job. Yes, you read that correctly. EYE OPENING.

  • I recreated my power morning rituals and completely 180’d my mindset, reconnected to myself and opened up the creative flow.

  • I realised that the feeling of ‘connection’ I had from being online all the time was actually an illusion. When I deleted all the apps on my phone including messenger, I realised I barely had anyone’s actual phone numbers and couldn’t actually remember the last time I had caught up with people in person. #realitycheck! So I ACTUALLY caught up with people in REAL LIFE, phone free. And it was AWESOME.

  • Without the coffee and from doing the cleanse, I rebalanced my energy levels and refocussed on my health and feel more grounded than ever

  • I connected in an even more powerful way in my relationship and experienced a new level of presence and love

  • Got back in to nature, tried new things, had adventures

  • I invested in my Breathwork facilitator training

  • Found the inspiration for my next program!

  • Finally faced off with (and released) the hold some of my old programming and stories had over me

  • Created some seriously powerful boundaries and tapped in to my souls whispers and starting to choose me and what FELT RIGHT – not what MADE SENSE.

As always there is still work to do – but I am no longer afraid of space and in fact welcome it in. If you are looking for the answer, for the next step, for your next move – you won’t find it by mindlessly scrolling and comparing yourself to every other human online. You will only find it by going within. And that requires SILENCE, SPACE AND PRESENCE. We spend a shocking amount of time distracting ourselves from ourselves, but there is nothing to fear from going inwards. There is nothing to fear from facing off with our shit – only gifts. Life is full of peaks and valleys, or lessons/mastery and I think we are all at times, myself included, guilty of wanting to cling to the mountain top without realising some of the greatest blessings come from our time in the valley. In fact this whole process has allowed me to redefine my purpose and what I want to gift to the world – each challenge holds a gift that can be shared to shine a light to allow others to overcome the same.

I encourage you to CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE whose words and images you choose to be influenced by, who you choose to learn by and ceremoniously and intentionally consume their content – but not above or before CREATING your own, and living in the fucking now. So if you’re still reading this (thank you!!) put down your phone, turn off the computer – and go create some time FOR YOU out of this mini matrix in the matrix lol. Lots of love xo